I Knew Life Was Never Meant to Be Easy
by ChElFi
Summary: Maria knew there would be fallout when she followed Steve to take down SHIELD and HYDRA, she just never imagined how far and wide it would spread across her life. Still, she wouldn't go back and change it. She knew life was never meant to be easy. First story in a five part series. MCU canon-compliant, as far as my old brain can recall. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story has been percolating in my head since I first watched TWS. It's evolved a few times into what I now hope is acceptable, to me, if not the reader. Over at AO3 this story will be a part of a series entitled "Fallout." The story is mostly about what happens to Maria over the years after TWS, but, of course, does not include anything in AOU because I'm not even willing to venture a guess as to what is happening during that film yet. :)**

**This is, surprise again, not immediately a Captain Hill ship. It will morph into that eventually in the last segment of the series. I had intended to make it a "surprise ending." But then I remembered just how much I hate the writers of HIMYM and decided to come clean at the beginning. :D**

**The series will be four parts plus one one-shot. This particular story takes place immediately following events of TWS. The next is the one-shot and will be from Tony's POV. The third through fifth are longer stories. This part of the series should be completely posted before my NaNoWriMo break next month.**

**Until AOU is released, this story is within MCU canon as far as I can recall. It is entirely Maria-centric. I plan to run my poor muse through the ringer in order that, as Kurt Vonnegut said, the reader may see what she is made of. **

**The first chapter is me explaining away my favorite deleted scene from TWS, the one between Sitwell and Hill. *sigh* I torture myself almost as much as my characters and readers. ;) The title is from a quote by W.M. Lewis that I found while looking for something else. :)  
**

**I think that's all. Please enjoy and R&amp;R.**

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_I knew life was never meant to be easy..._  
_But I never thought it would be this hard._  
_W.M. Lewis_

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Maria Hill, former Deputy Director of the former organization known as SHIELD, pushed open the hospital room door. Her attention was immediately drawn to the man lying in the bed. Steve Rogers commanded notice, even in his weakened state, though he appeared to be feeling far better than the first time she had visited him after the battle at the Triskelion.

Her gaze turned to Steve's friend, Sam Wilson, as he stood from his chair next to Rogers' bed and she gave him a nod and a slight smile in acknowledgement to his greeting. Steve stirred as he heard the two and he opened his eyes.

"Hill," he said and she was relieved that his voice sounded strong.

She had kept regular contact with Wilson for updates on Rogers' recovery which could only be described as miraculous. She could see for herself now that he truly was on the mend, and it felt as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders.

"Rogers," she replied.

"I'll just step out for some coffee," Wilson said.

Maria nodded to him again as he passed on his way out the door. Tentatively, she stepped closer to Steve's bedside. She hadn't seen him conscious since he left her in the control room at the Triskelion. The last time she'd visited had been directly following his surgery to remove the slugs the Winter Soldier had put in him.

"Sam tells me you're recovering nicely," she said.

He nodded his head, but was silent. Neither had ever been good at small talk, but the added weight of guilt Maria carried with her now made it even more difficult.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I need to apologize," he said at the same time.

Maria gave him a confused look.

"What would you apologize for?" she asked.

"For being so hard on you before," he replied.

Maria paused before responding. He had certainly been hard on her the last time they'd seen each other before Nick was attacked, but he'd had his reasons, and Maria understood. Steve was a soldier, a man of action. Her inaction when he thought she should have done more than formally express her disagreement was inexcusable to him.

So she shook her head.

"You had your reasons," she assured him. "Most of them were valid."

"No," he immediately replied. "I should have accepted that you were putting your job on the line for me, and that should have been enough."

"Don't be ridiculous Captain," she said, and noted his unusual reaction.

"I thought I was 'Steve' now," he told her with that affable half grin of his.

Maria expertly hid her reaction.

When she didn't respond, they remained in silence for some time until he did something entirely unusual and reached over to take her hand in his.

Maria looked at their clasped hands and wondered what point he was trying to make.

"When we were in the bunker," Steve began, "I was so surprised that you immediately agreed with my plan to take all of SHIELD down."

She looked back at his face and hoped the look she gave him conveyed her own surprise.

"It was what needed to be done," she told him. "After we realized how deeply HYDRA had embedded itself in the organization, there was no alternative."

"I know, but," he stopped and appeared to be gathering his thoughts.

Maria waited quietly. She had nowhere to be and she owed him this, after what had nearly happened.

After several minutes, he went on.

"I didn't trust you to do that," he explained. "To be on my side, to, well, to have my back in that meeting."

He paused again and closed his eyes. When he opened them he gave her a remorseful look that Maria felt was entirely unnecessary.

"I assumed you'd side with Fury," he told her. "SHIELD is, was, pretty much your life, like it was his, and I thought you'd be opposed."

Maria said nothing in response, she'd already explained herself once and there was no need for her to repeat her earlier statement. This wasn't a Senate inquiry.

"But I've been thinking about it since then," he continued. "And I realized I was wrong about you all this time. I used to think you didn't do enough, because you would voice objections when I felt you should do more."

He sighed and shook his head.

"I was being selfish," he confessed. "I didn't consider the consequences of what I expected you to do."

Maria chuckled softly and surprised herself by squeezing his hand which still held hers.

"Rogers, there's not a selfish bone in your body," she argued. "And I never expected you to understand. It's a different world than the one you knew, the one that made you who you are. You're up front and honest, most of the modern world hides behind some sort of mask."

He only shook his head at her.

"You're not going to get me to let myself off easily," he informed her. "So either accept my apology or don't."

He gave her a full smile now and she couldn't help but return one herself.

"Alright," she said. "But you have to tell me what you think you're apologizing for."

"For not trusting you," he told her as his smile faded into a more serious look.

Maria looked at him for a moment before she squeezed his hand again and nodded.

"Apology accepted," she said.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and faves and follows. They are my pay and I appreciate it all. :)**

**Second chapter of three. Please remember that this is not initially a Captain Hill ship so don't be disappointed. :D**

**Please R&amp;R.  
**

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**Six months later**

The tension in her neck spread to her head and Maria thought, not for the first time, that there was not enough pay in the world to make this job worth it, even though she made twice working for Stark as she had for SHIELD. It was 8am EDT and since her early morning wake-up call at 4am, Maria felt that this day could not come to an end soon enough. Swearing under her breath, she stepped out of Stark's "war room" and made her way purposely down the hall to her office. She walked by the elevator just as the doors slid open to reveal Tony Stark, himself.

"Sit-rep, Hill," he ordered, and Maria stopped and turned around to follow Stark back into the war room.

"Things went to hell in Kazakhstan," she told him as he perused the graphics.

"Simon had a lead on Dave Purcell, but Purcell decided he should go out with a bang," Maria continued.

"Casualties?" Tony asked.

"Aside from Purcell, Simon, and the three members of Simon's team, five civilians living in the house next door."

Maria's voice was cool as ever and she received the expected visual appraisal from her boss. Stark didn't comment and silence hung between them for several minutes as he finished reading the intel. Finally, he rose and Maria followed him out into the hall.

"I want a full report on my desk by the time this hits the newswires," he said, then veered back to the elevator.

"Yes, sir," she said.

"For the love of g-d, stop calling me that," he said as he pushed the up call button. "JARVIS calls me that. You're not a computer, Hill."

Maria ignored him, as she always did when he complained about it.

"Should I notify the next of kin?" she asked.

He turned and stared at her, pursing his lips as if he was thinking. She was sure he'd already considered it, but this had to be kept as far from Stark Industries as possible.

"Use the contingencies we set up when we started," he said then stepped into the elevator as it opened for him.

Maria simply nodded then walked back to her office. By now her head was throbbing as her stomach reminded her that four cups of coffee and a Danish didn't make a good breakfast.

"Good morning, Kate."

Maria walked up to her Personal Assistant's desk.

"Maria." She acknowledged as she handed Maria the morning mail. "Bad night?"

"Kazakhstan didn't go as planned," she told her. "Lost the team and five civilians."

Kate looked shaken for a moment, and Maria couldn't blame the woman, who was normally as stoic as she. It had been a difficult six months of adjustment since Maria had followed Captain America and helped him burn SHIELD to the ground after the discovery that HYDRA had fully infiltrated the organization. Kate Neville was one agent Maria knew she could trust and she'd brought her on board at SI as soon as Stark hired her. It created a perfect cover for the both of them. While Kate was no longer unknown, her role as Maria's Personal Assistant made people take her talents for granted. They'd shared quite a few laughs over drinks after ops about how well misogyny worked in their favor.

"I've got to get started on the full report so Stark can have it if he's called when the news hits the wire," she told Kate. "Want to order us up some breakfast?"

Kate nodded as Maria began to flip through the envelopes she'd been handed. Shortly they both heard the faint sounds of the Mighty Mouse cartoon theme song.

"Interesting ringtone, Neville." Maria raised an eyebrow at the woman.

"It's coming from your pocket, Hill." Kate laughed.

Maria looked at her for a moment as she slowly realized what had happened.

"Damn, Stark," she said and pulled the phone from her pocket.

Looking at the screen she saw Steve's name with an American flag background. She shook her head, definitely Stark.

"Hello?" She answered tentatively, just in case it wasn't Steve.

"Maria." She heard his voice at the other end and relaxed.

"Steve, hi, I wasn't sure who it was. Tony got a hold of my phone again and changed your ringtone," she informed him.

"Do I want to know what it plays now?" he asked with a laugh.

"The Mighty Mouse theme song," she chuckled as she walked into her office and closed the door behind her.

"I'm so glad you called," she said. "It's been a hell of a morning."

"Yeah?" he asked. "Wanna have lunch?"

"You're in town?" she asked, surprised.

"We just got in," he told her.

"Lunch would be really good today," Maria said, and she started to relax.

"Usual place?" he asked.

"Sure, that'd be great," she said. "It'll be good to see you and Sam."

"Well, actually Sam's not going to be there," he told her.

"Oh?" Maria hoped she didn't sound obviously disappointed.

"He's getting in later this afternoon," Steve explained.

"Sorry, I thought you had said "we,"" Maria questioned.

"I did," he said, then paused. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Sure," she said, though she didn't feel quite as excited anymore. "I'll see you around one?"

"Yeah, we'll see you then."

She ended the conversation and sat quietly, staring at her unopened laptop for a moment. In six months' time Steve had gone from "I don't have time to date" to "There's someone I'd like you to meet." It seemed unusual, but unusual was slowly becoming the usual in her life.

There was a knock at the door and Kate opened it to bring in their breakfast and interrupted Maria's thoughts.

"So," Kate carried out the 'so' for an extra second to indicate she wanted to know what happened with the phone conversation.

"We're meeting for lunch," Maria told her, somewhat blandly.

"You usually look happier when you're meeting him for lunch," Kate said, and Maria looked sharply at her.

"Hey, don't kill the messenger," Kate held up her hands. "Especially when she's just delivering a message you already have in your head."

"I do not like Captain Rogers," she said, starting their usual argument.

"Please, you are so pathetic," Kate said as she shook her head.

"What?!"

"You at least have a crush on him," Kate said and Maria wondered briefly if mangling a personal assistant was on the list of things executives couldn't do.

"You're insane."

"Good comeback," Kate deadpanned.

She picked up her orange juice to take a drink.

"You have a Steve smile," Kate told her.

"A what?"

"A smile you only have when he calls or when he's here." Kate looked too happy sharing this information.

"Now I know you're certifiable." And completely clueless, Maria thought.

"It's how Sam knows," Kate said.

"Sam thinks I like Steve?" Maria asked casually and hoped she did a good job covering her surprise.

Kate nodded and Maria tried to ignore the way that made her feel. It was for the best, she told herself. She didn't need that sort of entanglement right now.

"Well, for your information, he's bringing someone he wants me to meet," Maria said, trying to get her mind off Sam.

"Oh," Kate said with relished disappointment.

They were silent a moment as Maria started up her laptop and began to eat her scrambled eggs.

"Well, he's a fool," Kate said.

"Oh, seriously," Maria admonished. "Just stop. We have important work. And if you can't stop playing matchmaker I'll ask Pepper to make you Stark's assistant.

Kate shuddered jokingly, but she didn't mention it again.

Break

Maria took a deep breath as Happy opened the limousine door for her out front of the restaurant where she was meeting Steve and his "friend." She turned to Stark's body guard as she stepped out.

"I'll take a cab back, or walk," she said.

He gave her a wary look.

"It'll be fine," she said, then turned and walked away before he could argue.

Happy was well aware of the nearly incessant death threats that Maria had been receiving since DC. One had even been attempted a month earlier. But Maria didn't feel much like hiding all the time.

She sighted Steve as she walked into the restaurant and headed to the table. Within a few steps she noticed the blonde woman with him, and when the woman turned, as Steve looked up, Maria was glad for her years of training at SHIELD otherwise she wouldn't have been able to hide her amusement.

Sharon Carter, Maria should have known. Who else but Peggy's niece could have taken Captain America to, "Let me take you to meet my mother," so quickly?

Steve, always the gentleman, stood as soon as Maria approached the table.

"It's good to see you," he said, as he pulled out her chair.

Then, a little nervously, he began introductions.

"Do you know Sharon?" he asked.

Maria nodded and greeted Agent Carter, who returned her greeting.

"I know mostly _of_ her," she said. "She never worked for me directly."

Turning to Sharon she asked, "How's the CIA treating you?"

"It's not quite the same environment as SHIELD, but I enjoy it," the woman replied.

The waiter came and took their order, then Sharon's phone rang and she apologized as she left to take the call.

Maria turned and cocked an eyebrow at Steve, who blushed slightly.

"So, you did already know her," he said.

Maria nodded, knowing this was going somewhere but not really sure where.

"Did you know what she was working on before?" he asked.

So that was it. He wanted to know if she'd known about his watcher.

"No," she told him, because it was the truth. "I suspected Nick had someone on you, that is his style after all, but Sharon? Well, that's pretty ballsy, even for Nick."

"Why?" he asked.

"What if you'd run into her when you were visiting Peggy?" Maria laughed.

Steve nodded.

"I met her, officially, at the funeral," he said, his face darkening slightly.

Maria felt a twinge of pity for Steve's loss, one of the last connections to his past. She hoped Bucky would make himself known soon, for Steve's sake, if nothing else.

"She's helping you with your search?" Maria asked.

He nodded, then returned to his silence. Maria watched him for a moment, then tentatively reached out her hand to take his and squeeze it. He had always impressed her. A good man who had lost everyone he'd ever known and loved, yet remained a good man. Maria had always been alone, yet she probably couldn't say the same for herself. He gave her a tight smile and squeezed her hand in return.

Sharon returned to the table, followed shortly by their food. They ate and chatted between bites. Maria was far more reserved today with Sharon present. It was one thing to let her guard down with Steve and Sam, they had been in battle together. She didn't know Sharon well enough to trust her with anything more than necessary politeness.

"So, what'd you do with Sam?" she finally asked.

She hope her question sounded casual enough to keep suspicions down. Sharon was trained as a spy, after all, and if Natasha had already figured it out, she was sure time spent around Sharon would bring another in on her secret. Kate's fixation on Steve since Maria had introduced them was probably the only reason her assistant hadn't caught on yet.

"He had some family stuff to take care of," Steve said.

Maria wanted to ask more, but she knew that would be obvious by its intrusive nature. Still, she was just glad to hear that it wasn't a case of "He has a 'friend.'" That would have made this day suck in spades. Though what it really mattered, she didn't know. It wasn't as if she planned on acting on the attraction she had towards Sam.

When lunch was done, Sharon left them and Maria and Steve walked back to Avengers Tower together. They'd gone a few blocks in silence when Steve finally spoke.

"Did you know that Fury was rebuilding SHIELD?" he asked.

Maria turned and looked at him sharply, though she didn't halt her steps.

"How did you hear about that?" she asked.

"Ran into an old friend," he replied.

Natasha, Maria was certain, or, at least, Clint. He might have said something as well. Maria was sure Coulson would have contacted both of them by now. But not her, Maria thought, and she forced her face not to betray her feelings on that matter.

"Yes," Maria said. "I heard he was planning something, but I wasn't surprised. It sounds like something Nick would do."

"So, you're not in on it?" Steve asked.

Maria took several more steps, wondering what it was about Steve's question, or was it his tone, that bothered her. She stopped and looked up at him when she finally put her finger on it.

"You think I would be involved and keep that from you?" she asked and she didn't keep the anger from her voice.

The look on Steve's face made Maria feel as if she had slapped him, and she found it somewhat satisfying today. She shook her head in frustration and turned and walked quickly away from him. Steve easily caught up with her, however, and grabbed her arm, asking her to stop.

"Maria," he entreated. "I'm sorry, but you have to see this from my perspective."

"_Your_ perspective," Maria huffed and rested her hands on her hips. "OK, just what _is_ your perspective?"

Steve crossed his own arms across his chest defensively.

"When I heard, I couldn't imagine whom else Fury would have picked for the job," he told her.

Maria gaped at him. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or dumbfounded. She opted for the latter.

"You really _don't_ know how politics work." She glared.

Steve gave her a confused look and Maria sighed.

"Steve, I backed _you_ when you wanted to take down SHIELD," she said.

He still didn't look like he understood.

"Loyalty," she said and hoped the one word would explain to Steve, an honest and forthright man, the complications of situation.

From the look on his face, it had. But just as suddenly he furrowed his brows.

"That's ridiculous," he stated, as if he had some say in the matter. "Of all those left you're the most qualified."

Maria looked at him in surprise. Now she _was_ flattered.

"Thank you," she said. "That means a lot coming from you."

He shook his head, still lost in his thoughts.

"Fury's a jackass," he told her.

She laughed.

"And that means even more."

He looked at her and Maria recognized the emotion on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should have trusted you to tell me. It's just, I couldn't think of anyone else."

"It's OK," Maria tried to assure him. "It's more stress than I really want to deal with anyway."

"No, dammit, it's not OK," he said. "You have been working yourself to the bone, yes, Stark tells me all about it, and here I am jumping to conclusions about."

He stopped and let out a slow, frustrated breath.

"I'm a jackass," he said.

"No," she started.

"Don't defend me, Maria," he said.

"OK. How about I forgive you?" she asked with a smirk.

He smiled slightly.

"That would be very nice of you," he told her.

"I'm a nice person," she said and smiled.

"Yes, yes you are."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:**

**Wherein Maria makes the mistake of believing she can finally have a personal life.**

**Notes:**

**So, I FINALLY rewrote this chapter. Sigh. This has been far more difficult than I had even imagined. The other stories were only mostly written, this one was done, and I had only wanted to edit it a bit more before posting the week after Captain Hill Week, when I lost everything. :/ I'm not entirely as pleased with it as I was the first, but I hate unfinished projects. (Says the woman who avoids her HIMYM cross-over like the plague.)**

**The next parts of this story will be quite some time coming because I was so happy with what I'd written previously, that I just hate whatever I write now. So, since the next part of the series was supposed to occur a year later, maybe I'll be happy with something by then. ;)**

**Other things: This is not a Captain Hill ship, yet. That's in the very last story of this series...if I ever get there. This was somewhat an experiment to see if I could ship Maria with someone else. I'd say Steve as well, but he plays a very small part in the next two parts of this series.**

**A question for readers at FFN: Should I make this all one complete, bazillion chapter story, or should I split it up as I do over at AO3? I'm leaning toward the former to avoid any confusion, though the "ship" changes by the end of the story. Anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks.**

**Think that's all. I hope it at least brings part of this story to a somewhat acceptable conclusion.**

**Please R&amp;R.**

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Maria stared across the room as she sat on her sofa. She was trying to wind down after her day. The mess in Kazakhstan was just the sort of thing that could blow up in Stark's face. She'd spent the afternoon arguing that point with him. She wanted to take these sort of ops deeper underground so there was more of a buffer, less chance of the company facing any sort of problems as a result of her trying to take out the rest of HYDRA.

Tony, not surprisingly, had been particularly stubborn and had even had the nerve to pull Steve's old quote out of his bag telling her he hated bullies.

Maria sighed and closed her eyes. She wondered if she should rethink this plan. Finally she shook her head and willed herself to mentally set it aside. She'd think more along those lines when she spoke with Fury again. That probably wouldn't be for at least another month, though.

She had almost decided to get up and start a hot bath when her phone rang. She tried to fight the smile that automatically came to her face at the sound of the ringtone. Marvin Gaye could only mean one person.

"Sam," she said as she answered the phone.

"Hey, how's my favorite Stark Industries executive this evening?"

Maria laughed.

"You only know three SI exec's personally," she said.

"I don't see your point," he replied, and Maria allowed herself to enjoy the flirtation when she never would if he was actually in her presence.

"How's DC?" she asked.

"It was fine when I left it," he said.

"Are you back in New York now?" she asked.

"Yeah, just touched down at La Guardia," he told her. "I'm gonna catch a cab and wanted to drop by on my way to the Tower."

Maria blanched at his words. If he was dropping by her place it was certainly not on the way to the Tower.

"Sam, maybe it's been a while since you've been here," she joked. "My apartment is nowhere near any path to the Tower."

"Sure it is," he said and she could hear him go through the doors of the airport and the echoing noises of the tall ceilings turned into the motors of the road outside. "It's called 'the Sam path.'"

"'The Sam path?'" she asked doubtfully.

"Yep," he said. "Your place is on it."

"You're ridiculous," Maria managed as she reminded herself that Sam was just, well, being Sam. He was nice to everyone and when he talked to her like this it didn't mean anything more than it would to any other friend.

"So, are you home? Can I stop by?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "How long until you're here?"

"Well, I'm gonna guess an hour, maybe less, depending on if I can get the cabbie to take the sidewalk for part of the way," he said, and Maria could hear the smile in his voice.

"Don't kill yourself to get here," she said. "I'm not going anywhere."

They said their goodbyes and as Maria hung up she found her second wind and walked quickly to the bathroom. She hadn't even had time for a shower that morning, she'd been called into work so early. As she showered and dressed, she ran through her mantra of how Sam only saw her as a friend and he was only stopping by because, well, because they hadn't seen each other in a while. She ignored the fact that he could see her in the morning when she got to the Tower for work. She ignored the way he looked at her the last time they'd seen each other. And definitely the way that look had made her feel. She was a practical person who had no time for romance or romantic entanglements.

She stared at herself in the mirror after she was finished getting ready and realized that her hair was the way she'd worn it the last time Sam had complimented it, and her clothes were the same type that seemed to draw his attention.

"Damn, Maria, you are such a fool," she said. Then she pulled her hair back out of her face with a hairband.

The apartment phone rang, the concierge informing Maria she had a guest. She had him send Sam up and opened the door to lean casually against the doorjamb.

A moment later the elevator dinged and the doors slid open to reveal Sam. He thanked the lift operator then rolled his suitcase toward her. Maria ignored the way his eyes traveled quickly down her body and returned to hold her gaze. His always warm and friendly smile was just that, always and for everyone.

"Moving in?" she joked as he approached her.

Sam averted his eyes and cleared his throat nervously as he followed her into her apartment. Maria pretended it meant nothing.

Then she froze mid-step and Sam nearly knocked into her.

"What?" he asked, and his voice sounded suddenly on alert.

Maria sighed.

"I forgot I have nothing in the fridge but some sparkling soda," she said.

"Are you not taking care of yourself like I told you?" he asked.

He left his suitcase in the living room and walked into the small kitchen to give it an inspection. Maria followed him and watched him as he opened the fridge, then the pantry, all the while clucking his tongue and shaking his head. Maria had a difficult time keeping a smile off her face.

"How long have you lived here?" he asked, then continued without waiting for a response.

"You have not lived here long enough to own expired canned soup," he admonished, turning to her with the offending object in his hand. "Unless you have some sort of emotional attachment to it. Did you move it with the rest of your stuff?"

Maria laughed at his display and shook her head.

"Do you want burgers or pizza?" she asked. "There are two delivery places close by and they can have it here quickly."

"Burgers," he answered. "But don't think this conversation is finished."

"Alright, Dad."

Maria playfully slapped at his hand when he pointed his finger at her, then pulled out her phone.

They placed their order and sat down on the sofa to talk while they waited. Sam had been visiting his family and Maria always loved to hear his stories. They were so normal compared to what she had known that even their off-kilter arguments about things she'd usually consider petty made her laugh.

The food finally arrived and the concierge sent it up with the elevator attendant. Sam gave him a tip and brought the bags and drinks into the kitchen where Maria was pulling out plates and utensils.

"How is it that you are so formal in the way you eat, yet you never have anything around to eat?" he joked with her as he pulled a fry out of one of the bags.

He began to eat as Maria set out the plates, she was about to comment that she wasn't going to transfer the malts into glass cups when Sam let out a strangled noise and began to gasp for breath. Maria's first instinct was that he was choking, but then his skin began to change color and he fell to his knees before he completely collapsed.

She pulled out her phone and called 911, then pulled out Sam's phone to call Tony. Tony beat the ambulance by a minute. She could hear him flying up the stairs before he walked through the door she'd opened to be ready for the EMTs.

"Dammit, Hill," he started as he flipped up his visor. "I told you to move into the Tower. Far less chance of someone fulfilling one of the death threats there."

He might have wanted to say more but Maria looked up at him and whatever was on her face, abject terror most likely, she thought, caused him to stop.

"What was it?" he asked.

"It was a French fry," she said, forcing her voice to remain calm. "But I wouldn't be surprised if it's in everything."

Tony grabbed a handful of the fries from the top of the bag and put them into a plastic zippy bag he pulled from a compartment in his suit.

The elevator dinged and Stark looked as if he was ready for the defense.

"It's the EMTs," Maria told him. She could hear the equipment being rolled down the hall.

Once they stabilized Sam, they lifted him onto the gurney.

"She goes with him," Tony told the EMTs.

"Yes, Mr. Stark," one of the techs replied.

Maria would have rolled her eyes if the situation hadn't been so dire.

On the way to the hospital, Maria looked on as the EMT continued to monitor Sam. Her stoic outward demeanor belied the fear and dread that had taken root. Tony was right. She should have moved when this mess had started, but she hadn't wanted to give her enemies that sort of power. Now her pride might kill Sam, and all because he had gone out of his way to visit her.

Once at the hospital, Maria jumped out of the back of the ambulance. Stark was already there and with him, Steve Rogers. Seeing him reminded her that Sam was one of the few friends Rogers had, and now…but she couldn't finish the thought.

Sam was wheeled in right away and the three followed into the waiting area. They found three chairs together and sat and waited. After ten minutes an employee came out to ask if any of them could sign the medical papers for Sam, which Steve could, and he followed her to her office. Maria sat beside Tony and focused on a spot on the far wall.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Tony said.

Maria didn't reply, she couldn't trust her voice.

They were silent for a few moments before Tony continued.

"What was Sam doing at your apartment?" he asked.

Maria still refused to respond.

"Steve told me he had no idea Sam was even back in New York," Tony continued.

It was only her years of SHIELD training that kept the surprise off her face. Sam hadn't even called Steve. In the privacy of her mind, Maria couldn't deny what this meant.

"And here we all thought it was Steve you were pining after," Tony said by way of attempting a joke.

Maria turned to glare at him.

"How far along is this relationship?" Tony continued, unabated. "It must be pretty serious if you're the first person he calls when he gets into town, the first person he goes to see."

Maria closed her eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this right now," she said quietly.

Tony was silent for a moment.

"Fine," he said.

The silence stretched on for far too long for Tony's liking, Maria could tell. The man was beginning to fidget. A fidgeting Tony was never a good Tony, was what Pepper had told her, and Maria had observed the truth of the woman's words.

She put a hand over his to try to get him to stop before something bad happened she couldn't deal with at the moment. She was surprised when he took her hand in his.

"Maria, I know you like to pretend you are completely immune to feelings of this nature," he said as he stared at their joined hands. "And I understand your reasons."

Maria looked sharply at him.

"Hey, I know I'm not the only one with 'daddy' issues," he said.

Maria glared at him and pulled her hand from his.

"Don't kill the messenger," he said. "Especially when you already know the truth of the message."

She stood to move away from him but, not surprisingly, he followed her. He watched her as she gazed out the window.

"He's gonna be OK," Tony assured her. "And when he is, you need to realize that maybe this is a sign."

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Life's short," he said. "The way we live, well, it's best not to let things go unsaid."

"And just what would I say to him?" she asked harshly.

"Tell him how you feel," Tony told her.

She scoffed aloud and turned away from him.

"I promise you there is no risk involved," Tony said. "It's obvious he has feelings for you."

Maria felt herself still as his words sank in. Had Sam said something to Stark?

"Oh, my g-d," he groaned dramatically. "Did they make you Deputy Director because you sucked at being a spy?"

Maria opened her mouth to respond, but Tony went on.

"Aren't you supposed to learn how to read people?" he asked. "Don't they teach you how to read tells when you are in spy school?"

Maria turned away once more, this time to hide the flush she felt coming to her face. She could read the tells, she just didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to admit that Sam had the same feelings as she. And now…

"It doesn't matter, now," she said.

And she knew it couldn't. She had jeopardized the life of someone she claimed to care for because, in her pride, she had refused safety for herself and left him vulnerable.

Steve returned at that point and Maria hoped Tony wouldn't speak of it in front of Sam's friend.

"They, uh, they're working on him," he said. "I went back for a minute and the doctor is hopeful."

Maria looked at Steve and was moved by the distress on his face. This man had already lost so much in his life and now he stood to lose one of his closest friends. Maria felt guiltier.

Maria and Steve sat side-by-side as Tony began to pace. It was several hours later before anyone approached them and by then, even Steve had begun to pace.

"Mr. Wilson is in a recovery room now and we are going to move him into a regular room," the nurse said. "He's doing extraordinarily well, all things considered. The doctor will be in his room in several minutes if Mr. Rogers would like to come up and speak with him."

Steve nodded and followed the nurse back through the emergency room doors. Maria relaxed back into her seat and let out a long breath then she looked up at Tony.

"Well, I think I'll be going, now that I know he's OK," she said and shouldered her purse. "Keep me updated if there's any change."

Tony gaped at her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Home," she told him, though she thought she might also stop by the liquor store along the way. Food wasn't the only thing she was short on at her apartment.

"He's going to want to see you," Tony said.

Maria felt her jaw clench. She didn't want to think about that right now, didn't want to admit that there really had been the potential for something, didn't want to admit that she had really wanted that something.

"Well, I have to pack if I'm going to move into the Tower, don't I?" she used his wish in an attempt to distract him.

But Tony wouldn't have it.

"Nice try, Hill," he said. "Running away from this isn't going to change things."

They held each other's stares for several heartbeats before Maria turned to head to the door.

"You're making a mistake, Maria," Tony called after her.

"No, I'm not, Stark," she said. Then added under her breath, "First right thing I've done in a long time."

* * *

Sam was another three days in the hospital before he was released. Maria didn't go to visit him, though Tony and Steve both told her he'd asked after her. She also didn't return his calls he made to her from the hospital, nor when he returned to the Tower to stay with Steve for the remainder of his recovery.

Tony had flown in Sam's family to visit and there were several occasions when Maria shared an elevator with them, but she had remained silent. What could she say to them? That she was sorry she nearly got her son killed because she'd decided to be stubborn about the death threats against her?

Finally, the inevitable occurred, Sam showed up at her office. He walked right past Kate, though Maria thought that the woman might have just waved him in, and sat down across the desk from her. The hurt look on his face met the stoic one on Maria's and Sam shook his head.

"I don't blame you for what happened, Maria," he told her. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know it wasn't my fault," she lied.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" he asked.

Maria regarded him coolly, as if it was a bother to have to speak with him.

"I've been really busy, Sam," she said.

He looked at her in disbelief.

"Maria," he started, but she couldn't let him keep talking, she might be persuaded to let him close again.

"In fact, I'm probably going to have to fly out to California tonight," she said. "I really need to get some work done before I leave."

"Sure," he nodded, but it was obvious her words had affected him. "When you get back maybe we could take in a movie."

"I really don't think that's a good idea," she said, and though it was the truth, she knew she didn't have to make it sound so final.

Sam, who was as terrible a liar as Steve, showed the pain on his face at her words. But he nodded, then stood and left her office, closing the door behind him.

Maria allowed herself a moment of obvious outward emotion at the guilt she felt for the pain she'd caused him before she took a deep breath and returned to her work.

The whole thing had been a rookie mistake. She should have been more cautious about the death threats, and she never should have entertained the idea of a personal life. If she'd still been in SHIELD, none of this would have happened. She would have remembered the rules, she would have heeded her own warnings. How she thought life in the private sector gave her the right to a normal life, she wasn't sure, but she wasn't going to let it happen again.


End file.
